‘Fake it Til You Make it.’

We’ve all heard it before. But does it work? The short answer is a resounding and emphatic YES!

Yes, it Does.

And you can make it work for you.

The sentiment is controversial, and this controversy divides people into two camps.

Camp 1 believes you can fake your confidence until true confidence grows.

Camp 2 believes that if you are faking, you are being inauthentic, which means you can never gain true confidence in yourself.

I fall into camp one. Get me a lanyard, a bunk, and some gooey smores because this camp of thought is where I belong.

I Believe 100% that you often have to ‘Fake it Till You Make it!’ I’m confident in my stance — as much as any struggling freelance writer or entrepreneur faking her way up the ladder can be!

Heck, I’m doing it right now! I am writing this article showcasing vulnerability, hoping I am doing a good job, and — in a way — faking it, using past knowledge, skills, courage, and experience until I make it even further!

“Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.”

— Brene Brown

Let me tell you 3 Reasons why the phrase ‘Fake it Till You Make It’ is true, how it has worked in my life, and how it has and will work in yours.

 

1. Personal Experience

I have faked confidence many times in my life. I faked my confidence when I had to give my first speech in high school, when I had to go to my first job, and when I started teaching Latin dancing in college. I faked it until I didn’t have to anymore. I faked until my courage and vulnerability led to true confidence.

Storytime!

As a freshman in college, my roommate invited me to a weekly Latin Dance get-together on Fridays. I already loved dancing, so I was excited to go.

Friday night, I dressed for twirling fun in a blue skirt and a matching grey/blue shirt. We walked across campus in the ice cold Idaho air. I opened the doors to a woosh of heat, and I stepped into a whole new world — one full of fast-paced steps, *Gritos, sweaty bodies, and fantastic music.

* A Grito — A common Mexican interjection, similar to the ‘Yeehaw of the American Cowboy during a hoedown with added ululation trills — closer to ‘Aaaah’ or ‘Aaaayyyeeee’ (Wikipedia)

I have yet to master the Grito.

I relished the sway of Bachata, the frenzied feel of Merenge, and the style of Salsa! I was in love, and though I was a newbie — I attended every Friday that first semester and grew in style, ability, and confidence.

This is not something I was scared to do — I had been dancing for years, and it was easy for me to pick up the steps and overall style. However, when I returned as a Sophomore and was asked to become an instructor — I was nervous.

I had never taught dance before. I had some confidence in my abilities and other teaching experiences to draw upon, so I used what I knew and the confidence I lacked — I FAKED!

I faked my confidence in teaching those large groups, and the natural confidence came over time. Again, I loved it.

As a Junior, I was asked to manage all the instructors and the weekly Latin Dance get-togethers. Again, I was nervous and scared — who was I? Surely, I wasn’t capable, wise, or talented enough to lead something like this! But I was — because I decided to try until I could. I would fake it until I made it. And I did.

Side Note: You will notice I didn’t just fake my abilities — I knew how to dance. I just didn’t know how to Latin dance until I learned. I had a basic knowledge of teaching and leading, but I didn’t know how to teach or manage at that scale — until I did. I built up my confidence and expertise with each new experience, and until I had confidence in myself, I showed vulnerability and courage. I was true to myself, but sometimes I had to fake it and pretend to be more brave than I felt. And I think that’s perfectly fine.

Your Story

What is your first memory of being nervous or scared? What was the first thing you did to overcome those feelings? When was the first time you showed vulnerability and bravery? What is your first memory of feeling like you needed to show more courage than you actually had?

It could be at a basketball game, a ballet recital, a piano showcase, or a competition of some kind.

To understand how and why ‘faking it till you are making it’ — actually works, you have to trace back your feelings of confidence. Where did it start? No one steps out onto the basketball court with zero practice, never having touched the ball with swagger and bravado, correct? Absolutely not, so trace it back to the beginning.

Your confidence in basketball can be traced back — you practiced twice a week for years, and before that, you practiced as a 6-year-old once a week with games every Saturday. Your first game you ever played — you may not remember, but you probably didn’t know all the rules. You ran along with your teammates following the ball, running back and forth, trying as you went to figure everything out, where to stand, how to shoot, when to pass.

You were, at some level, faking it — until you made it. You pretended to know what was going on as you ran along, and slowly, through trial and error, you figured it out.

Another Side Note: The problem with doing this all the time, and the merit I will give Camp 2 people, is that you can absolutely take the phrase too far. You can fake your abilities to the detriment of yourself and others. For example, in a work environment, some faking is acceptable. You may not be entirely sure how to do your job, but you learn along the way. However, you can’t be so scared of failure that you forget to ask for help when it is needed.

Imagine a class of eight adorable four-year-olds shuffling onto the stage with poofy pink tutus and ballet slippers. Their hair and makeup are done for the first time, and each one handles going on stage to perform for the first time differently. Some do not have any form of stage fright yet; they love the attention and bravely walk on stage with swagger and confidence. Some tip-toe behind their teacher, trying not to look into the audience. Some walk on stage, look toward the bright lights and freeze. Some run away crying. And some refuse to even walk onto the stage.

If you were one of the children in that class, you showed bravery and vulnerability, even if you wound up crying backstage or frozen in place. Doing something you are scared of, something you have never done before, requires a level of faking — you pretend you are OK as much as you can until you are actually OK.

It doesn’t make you fake; it makes you human. Sometimes, you must do things you don’t 100% feel like doing.

2. Science

The phrase ‘Fake it Till you Make it’ first appeared around 1973, and the earliest reference we can find is similar to the lyrics of a Simon & Garfunkel song, “Fakin’ It.” The lyrics in the song say,

“And I know I’m fakin’ it; I’m not really making’ it.”

- (theidioms.com)

The saying soon became a popular phrase — something people say to either make fun of others or just something to say that they don’t really believe. But Science says it works.

According to cognitiontoday.com, the idea of ‘fake it til you make it’ even works in changing your attitude.

“It really works. You can fake it till you make it. You can fake a smile to become happier… The main mechanism for this is facial-feedback — our facial muscles influence our emotional state just as our emotional state influences our muscles to create a smile or a frown.

This approach does not encourage lying and deceit. It encourages manipulating secondary factors to help you put in the effort and make it… Another practical version of this is: “learn on the job” and “figure things out on the go.”
— ( https://cognitiontoday.com/the-scientific-truth-behind-fake-it-till-you-make-it)

3. It’s Fake, Until It’s Not

Those who believe that ‘Fake it til you make it’ people are fake and inauthentic would be correct if that’s all we ever did. But after you fake it for a little while, you gain experience, and that experience gives you true confidence. Then, you have more confidence to draw on the next time you are scared, and then the next time — it requires less faking and more making.

Doing something that scares you takes courage.

“Courage is the ability to control your fear in a dangerous or difficult situation.” (Dictionary.combridge.org)

Your abilities may not be fake, but your confidence in those abilities might be at first. It takes courage and sometimes a little pretending until you figure out what you are truly capable of.

As Brene Brown says,

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”

It is not weakness; it is not inauthenticity — it is simply the acceptance that you are not always going to feel, look, or be 100% ready for everything you have to do — Sometimes, it takes faking it until you make it.

Sometimes, it is fake — until it’s not.

And that’s OK.